For the past five years, I have been busy leading a team of dancers called Ladies in the Pink. That’s Ladies in THE pink please, as as in “in the pink of health”. I want the women who form our group to portray an image of having a zest for life. Ladies in the Pink is made up of breast cancer survivors such as myself and we have members from as young as 30 to 70 and older.

Breast cancer is a painful illness both physically and psychologically. It attacks the woman’s sense of sexuality, feminity and also her self esteem. A woman who has had part of her breast removed or the whole breast removed, tends to feel that she is not complete. She needs her husband and children to understand her and make her feel loved.

Some men run away

I am also a trained counsellor for the Breast Cancer Foundation and talk to many victims and survivors. I get very angry when the husbands tell me that they can’t deal with their wive’s condition.

Deal with it? It’s the woman who has to go through so much. If the situation is reversed, will the wife say that to the husband and go into hiding?

I always say that husbands of women who suffer from breast cancer fall into three categories – A, B and C. The A group is small, but they do their best to take care of their wives in every way. They’re the gems.

Then, there’s the B group, which seems to be the biggest. Most Asian husbands fall in this category. They love their wives but don’t know what to do. Sometimes to avoid saying the wrong thing to their wife, they end up working longer hours or spending time away.

Then, there’s the third group, the C group, which is made up of men who wander off. They’re not worth talking about and thankfully, this group is also a minority.

Breast cancer is not contagious

I came across a case where one woman cried to me that her husband refused to have anything to do with her after she was diagnosed with breast cancer. He took the children away from her and refused to touch her. She lost her husband and children along with her one breast. Her husband wanted to keep his distance from her because he thought breast cancer was contagious! And this is a man with several degrees to his name.

A woman who is down with breast cancer is at her most vulnerable, her most sensitive. She is physically weakened because of the series of radiotherapy, chemotherapy and medicines that she has to take. To lose a breast, or sometimes both breasts, is traumatic to say the least.

Women can recover and wear prosthetics to hide the fact from the outside world, but that’s just part of the story. They should also feel good inside and that’s very hard to do. One of the most common questions breast cancer survivors ask me is about  sex. It is true, sex is never the same after breast cancer. Sometimes, the woman herself finds it hard to get into the mood because she doesn’t feel like a complete woman anymore.

Ladies, dance away your worries

That is why I want to bring the survivors out to lift their spirits with dance therapy. That is why when I was asked to form a support group, I decided to help start this group going. I was a dancer myself when I was young. I did ballet, ballroom dancing, Latin and line dancing. At the Ladies in the Pink, I choreograph the dances, so that the moves are feminine but not rigorous.

We also turn the dance sessions into social gatherings and support group meetings. Each of us brings something to eat and we spend about half an hour just talking and sharing our experiences. That’s when the tears and the fears flow. The biggest fear among breast cancer survivors is recurrence of this deadly disease. I just lost a couple of dear friends to this illness.

I would say I led a very frivolous life up till the point at which breast cancer hit me. My pilot husband did not want me to work and my three children (two sons and a daughter) were independent as far as school work was concerned. They’re all married now and I am expecting my third grandchild soon.

In my younger days, I had a lot of time to do the things I wanted and enough money. Since cancer hit me, I have decided to make sure that my life is now spent boosting the spirits of other breast cancer survivors.
My husband says that starting Ladies in the Pink is the most important thing I have done in my life. I tend to agree.

The Breast Cancer Foundation helpline is 6356 0123. It offers counselling for breast cancer sufferers. Husbands or partners can get in touch with the Men's Support League if they want to find out how they can help their other halves cope with breast cancer. Call the same number.
Website: www.bcf.org.sg