I remember the day I dressed my new baby up at the hospital and brought him home. While at the hospital, I was spared night feeds because the nurses felt I needed some rest. At home, from Day One night feeding was my job and I wanted it no other way.
It wasn't easy and I was exhausted. Still pudgy from the water retention of pregnancy, my movements were slower. Baby seemed to be up every hour and there were nights when I didn't sleep at all. In the day, I could not rest either with friends and relatives dropping by to say "hello" to our new baby.
They had loads of advice.
"Keep your legs tightly closed, don't let air enter your womb."
"Don't eat too much "cooling" fruit like bananas. Baby will catch a cold."
"Drink only boiled-cooled water. Nothing straight from the tap."
Dizzy from digesting all these, I decided to concentrate on being a good mother. But I was aching all over and it seemed like I never could rest because a new baby demanded continous care.
Feed, rock baby to sleep, feed, change diapers, rock baby to sleep .......ad continuum.
My husband was a source of strength and support. But, he was new to this whole business of parenthood too. We were both adjusting to baby and sometimes our tempers flared. We didn't bother to think sexy. How to? We were so tired.
"This is a typical scenario in most homes when baby arrives. Caring for a new baby can be quite frightening to a new mother. She will give it her full attention and sometimes, the husband can feel left out. Typically, husbands will do thing such as grocery shopping and mopping the floor, all except handling the baby because they're too scared to handle a baby so small. Doing the extra bits of work is good, but there should also be some time for the couple to bond and for father to welcome baby into his life," said Mr Wong Suen Kwong of the Centre for Fathering.
Fourteen years and another baby later, I look back at my own first year with our first-born and am glad for the experience, stressful though it was. It helped us move on to the next stage in our life from couplehood to parenthood and gave us tremendous pleasure in knowing that we have provided the best care we could for our baby.
New mothers, try to:
- Include Dad in baby duties such as diaper changing. Help your husband break into fatherhood and give him confidence.
- Let Dad bond with baby by updating him on baby's developments. Encourage him to feed baby if baby is bottle-feeding. Holding baby close to feed means there will be eye contact. Slowly, they'll learn to be comfortable with each other.
- Show love: A mother's pre-occupation with new baby can be quite overwhelming. Fathers may feel left out. Tell your
husband you love him. Start "dating" dad when you're up to it. Even a slow walk in the park can be a good start to nurturing your relationship.
New dads, try to:
- Understand that your wife has just been through a big change to her body and to her life: You are the No 1 support for her. Nobody else can come close.
- Help her as much as you can: If she's breastfeeding, you can technically sleep through the night. But, she will
appreciate it if you can keep her company. Set her mind at ease by taking care of her needs and baby's needs.
- Take the intimacy and sex part of your relationship slowly: It will kick in again when both of you are emotionally and physically ready. Don't stop surprising her with gifts and words of love to show how much you appreciate her.
For more parenting tips visit family.gov.sg/parenting.
New Parenting Programmes
- 'Beginning Parenthood Programme' by Centre for Fathering (Tel: 6252 8408)
- 'Parenting in the First Year' by Fei Yue Community Services (Tel: 6563 1106)
